Day 18 - These Days

I think it may have been a little bit ridiculous for me to assume that since the first two weeks here were fabulous, every day thereafter would be, too.

That’s just not logical, right?

I don’t want to bitch about things, but I feel I just have to be honest with what’s going on around me and what I’m dealing with. I want to remember what this experience was all about in its entirety, and it’s not about pretending like everything’s fine because it’s not.

I’m not unhappy, and I realize I’m in Spain and should be happy, but I’m a person, and I have flaws. And I have to work through shit just like everyone else.

Ever since Sunday, it just feels like everything’s kinda been downhill. I was really tired in class on Monday, even though I got a lot of sleep. And today, I wasn’t tired, and the first class I have, which is three hours long, was fabulous like always. I really do love it, and I really appreciate how much energy and enthusiasm our professor has. I’m horrible at making up sentences for grammatical purposes off the top of my head, but I try, anyway.

I straight-up loathe my poetry class. There’s so much homework, and I just can’t get interested in the poetry. I don’t feel like we were ever taught the devices we were supposed to be looking for, and I get REALLY tired of the professor dumbing down the class. It honestly insults my intelligence SO much to try and compare a poet to a famous rapper. I don’t know why it gets under my skin, but it does incredibly. I realize that there are a lot of things I don’t know, but I don’t need a fucking poet to be compared to Tupac to know what message he’s trying to get across.

I AM NOT A FUCKING IDIOT!!!

That’s probably the main thing that’s really been bothering me. That, and I just still don’t know what the expectations are. And it’s a LOT of work.

I really miss physical affection. A lot. More than a lot. I just want a hug. From someone I know and love. From someone who actually knows and CARES about what’s going on with me.

I really do have the best friends in the world. Ev, Nick, Dan, and Chris, to name a few. I can’t tell Ev how much I appreciate her facebook message and blog comments. I will write back soon, I promise. Or better yet, we should Skype. Let me know a good time for tomorrow.

I miss Sean a lot. It’s WAY harder than I thought it would be to be apart for this long. It just sucks ass. Although Skype is fantastic, it can’t replace his bear hugs. Or kisses.

This ridiculous rash under my boobs has been hurting me terribly.

On the bright side…

I went to the pharmacist, and he found me some hydrocortisone, so I will forever be grateful. I really hope it helps.

Then I went on a walk by myself, and it was wonderful. I love people watching. I love the weather here. I love just clearing my mind. I love seeing everyone’s little dogs. And pigeons. They always make me smile.

Then I hit up El Corte Ingles supermercado and got crunchy peanut butter, Coca-Cola, gummy bears, cheetos, Band-Aids, and gum.

The most Amerkin things ever. I love it.

So, family stuff.

I really do love my host family, but I think they’re just really quiet people. It’s frustrating because I just don’t know what to talk about. Claudia is so cute, though J

I got a 3 hour siesta in today, so I feel pretty good right now. Skyping with Ev, so I am happy now!

Really don’t wanna do homework…

(Footnote: "These Days" of course refers to the Jackson Browne song, more specifically the Counting Crows cover of the song. Not the Rascal Flatts song or whoever else has a song by the same name...)