Being Human

‎"Being human always points, and is directed, to something or someone, other than oneself -- be it a meaning to fulfill or another human being to encounter. The more one forgets himself -- by giving himself to a cause to serve or another person to love -- the more human he is." -Viktor Frankl

I was reading this article and just found that quote so poetic and beautiful.

At the moment, I'd say I'm pretty happy. The happiest I've ever been for any extended period of time. But then I realize, when I wasn't happy, I was searching for meaning. I'm still searching for meaning, and that's the one piece that has still been causing me a bit of discontent.

The happiness and meaning in my life are melding into one, I think. In a selfish way, I've been able to get many of the things I need and want, and in an unselfish way, a large chunk of my life is spent serving - tying tennis shoe laces, helping to spell words, teaching reading and new vocabulary words, helping to make sense of math problems. All that takes you outside of yourself.

It's incredibly rewarding and incredibly difficult.

And I have to admit, I feel frustrated when people ask me if I want to pursue a teaching degree and I bumble through some ridiculous but truthful answer, always ending at the same point: I don't know.

Money is certainly an issue. The permanence of a teaching degree is scary. I love what I do, but I just don't know if I want to lock myself into it for the rest of my life.

Mainly, I think I'm spastic in my interests. They're wide and varied, and the thought of being stuck in one certain career or one certain place for the rest of my life makes me more than a little anxious. I know that there are many things I like to do and many places I'd like to go, and I don't want to voluntarily lock myself into something when there's always the possibility for something more...some new experience or challenge.

I don't want to stagnate.

So, in that thought process, that's basically where I am now. I still have so much more thinking to do.

On the lighter side, we've done an awesome job of catching some Oscar-nominated movies lately - 4 of 9 of the Best Picture category - Lincoln, Les Misérables, Zero Dark Thirty, and Silver Linings Playbook.

My take on them?

I'm always in the minority when I say that I really wasn't that crazy about Lincoln. Not that it wasn't a good movie because it was. But when I saw and heard the title Lincoln, I was expecting a movie that encompassed more of his life, not just his work on the 13th Amendment. So, I was a bit disappointed when that was the center of the whole movie.

On the other hand, I was pleasantly surprised with Les Misérables. I had only seen the live musical once, and I couldn't follow it AT ALL. I was ready to leave at intermission. But I figured that if it was in movie form (and with such great actors!), there was a chance I'd be able to follow it better. I'll be honest. I was skeptical, still, and wasn't sure what I was in for. If it had been poorly done, there would be no way on earth I could sit through 2+ hours of everything being sung. But I found it fascinating, and I really was on the edge of my seat through most of it. Anne Hathaway? Incredible. Hugh Jackman? Mind blowing. The whole cast was just phenomenal, and I left feeling like I had definitely gotten my 7 bucks worth.

We saw two movies last Saturday, and luckily we watched Zero Dark Thirty at 11 a.m. I don't think I would want to end my day with that film being the last thing in my head. Overall, I'd say it was definitely a good film. The acting was great, and it was suspenseful mostly throughout, but I did find myself wondering (more than a couple times) when the end would come. During one of the torture scenes, I was less than a minute away from having to get up and leave. It made me feel physically ill. However, I think it was important that they included those scenes to be truthful to the story. It was just a little much for me. And I was disappointed with the ending (the following few sentences contain a spoiler alert!!). When we left the theater, I just found myself angry with the ending - the lead female actress crying. How stereotypical, that a female would cry at the end. I kept asking Sean, "Why couldn't she fist bump and crack open a beer with the guys? Why couldn't she be a hardass like the dudes?" And I understand why they had her cry, because the mission she spent 12+ years on was over. I get it. But if it were a lead male character, do you think they'd end the movie with him crying?

Lastly, and probably my overall favorite, Silver Linings Playbook. I have a MAJOR girl crush on Jennifer Lawrence, so I was already partial to it before even seeing it, but I was not disappointed. It just had a grittiness and truth about it that I loved. And even though I had a good idea of how it might end, it still kept me guessing until the ending finally came. It was such a funny, sweet, and at the same time somewhat dark movie, and that's my thing. So BAM! Silver Linings Playbook gets my vote, for what it's worth.

In other news, I've been reading like a fiend lately, but I haven't read anything that's become a new favorite. I've been through Gone with the Wind, Slaughterhouse Five, Henderson the Rain King, The Perks of Being a Wallflower and a re-read of The Great Gatsby. They're all sad. I need something that's going to make me feel a little bit better about life. I'm currently reading The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time (which I've been wanting to read for years), and I love it so far, so we'll see how it turns out...