Changes

I'm starting to think of time in units of time since I've graduated college, and it's scaring me. Going on two years now, and time only seems to be going faster.

Almost a month into my new job, and I'm finally starting to settle in. Of course, as soon as you start feeling comfortable, that's when things change, right? Trying to learn the ropes of the first stages of the processes we do, I asked so many questions that I honestly got sick of hearing my own voice. But since I've learned the basics, I'm hoping that the next processes will build on that and won't leave me feeling quite as confused.

My mom called me earlier in the week letting me know that my dog that I've had since middle school was not doing well. It looked bad and might be the end. Then, we were given some hope that the vets could treat Molly with steroids to help with her dangerously low red blood cell count. It killed me to think that I wouldn't get to say goodbye to her, but then she started doing better. I thought at least I might be able to see her one last time over Christmas. But I got a call from Mom on Saturday, and they had to put Molly down. For me, since I haven't seen her since Thanksgiving, it doesn't really seem real to me. I still expect her fluffy, white self to be clicking her toenails around on the kitchen floor. Growing up, all I wanted was a dog. I had several stuffed animal dogs, named them, and played with them all the time. Then a couple weeks before Christmas when I was in middle school (7th or 8th grade, can't remember which), Mom and Wendy showed up at Grandma's house when I was making salt-dough ornaments. They brought a fluffy ball of fur with them.

If I'm being honest, Molly was a pain in the ass as a puppy. She barked a lot, chewed on everything, jumped and scratched me with her nails and just generally interrupted any time I spent on the computer. But she was so cute that you just couldn't stay mad at her for long. I tried and continually failed to teach her how to walk on a leash. She was always pulling ahead and choking herself, but eventually she would calm down. She made me feel safe when I stayed home alone, and she was always there to accompany me on a walk.

I know it just won't feel right when I go home for the holidays and she's not there. I sure will miss her.

Wake Me Up

When it comes to emotions, lately I've been all over the map.

A low low (maybe a few of them), a high high, and everything in between.

I'm one of those people that still balances their checkbook, even though I access my account online every single day anyway. That's where our story begins.

With the hubs in between jobs at the beginning of this past summer, we had to take out a grand in order to cover rent, student loans, utilities, groceries, and the like. And it wasn't that we had that much savings in the first place, anyway. He found another job, thankfully, and we seemed to be doing okay for a couple months. Then, last month, we had to take another $500 out of savings and transfer it to our checking account in order to cover all our monthly expenses.

It was at this point that the worry set in.

Then, in the following month, when our checking account dipped down below $500, I knew we weren't breaking even, and I started to panic. It was like drowning in the middle of my living room. I felt like we were sinking, and sinking fast. I felt like I was fighting the water with lead feet. I felt so stuck in our (mostly "my") current situation, and it seemed like there was just no solution.

What would happen? How much more would we continue to have to transfer out of savings? How long would that last? When would it run out? What would happen when it did run out?

All of these questions kept revolving around my head, and I cried.

I cried long and hard and a lot.

The next day, I applied for four jobs.

Sure, I could try to get a part-time job to try and accompany my current job's salary, or I could ask Sean to get a part-time job to accompany his salary, but I wasn't going to do that. Asking anyone to work more than 40 hours a week when they have all the skills, ability and education to make more money just didn't make any sense to me.

So, it was my turn to step up to the plate.

Within one week from the night I applied, I was offered a new job paying several thousand dollars more a year. A lot of people said it seemed like fate. I can't really disagree with that.

I had started to mentally check out of my current job even before applying for new jobs because it had just been such an extremely difficult year for me. Last year, I was able to work with someone who quickly became one of my best friends. I loved coming to work partly because of the work that I was doing, and partly because I just loved cutting up with my friend and chatting. She was able to keep me grounded, share the work and keep me laughing. But at the start of this school year, she was able to get her own business off the ground and didn't return. I haven't laughed near as much this year.

When it comes to work, I tend to get tunnel vision. I will work myself to the bone. I will do what needs to get done to the best of my ability. This gets exhausting fast, especially when I am working with small children every day. I want to will them to understand how to read. I try so many different ways to explain things to them, to make it interesting, to make it fun. Most of the time, I'm just spending 75% of the time trying to redirect them and get them to pay attention. If you haven't worked with groups of small children, you don't realize how incredibly exhausting this can be.

Prior to applying for new jobs, my mental state had started to change focus. The work wasn't nearly as fun for me. I felt like I was continually spinning my wheels and that I wasn't being effective. I was being so, so hard on myself about my job performance. And I was getting asked to do a lot of things. Being the people-pleaser that I am, I just couldn't say no. I want to make people happy, I want to do my job well, I want to make other people's lives better. But what I was losing was my own life. I wasn't taking time for myself. I rarely, if ever felt relaxed while at work. I was constantly worrying about money and how we would ever save enough to start a family, let alone buy a new car when one or both of our current ones just finally bites the dust. It's a scary situation to be in.

I talked to Sean a lot about it. And what I kept hearing myself say was that this is the first time in perhaps my whole life that I have made such a big decision for myself. I am constantly thinking of other people - what I can do for them - or, like in school, how many assignments I need to get done, how many tests I need to study for, what hours I need to work. None of that was truly taking care of myself or intentionally looking out for my best interests. 

I feel like this decision I have made for myself, for my health, for financial stability, and for the betterment of my current and future family.

I've doubted myself and worried that I'm just being greedy and making the move strictly for financial reasons.

But I can't think that way. Because this is such a good opportunity, and in the end, it will be better for me and my family in so many ways.

I was so worried about telling my current co-workers about my resignation, but they were all so sweet and understanding about it. I don't like that I had to do it in the middle of the school year, but they were all so supportive and kind. So, Friday, after I told everyone and was all in-the-zone thinking about my new job, I was on a high high. I had a great weekend. Then Sunday, I realized I had to go back to my current job to finish out my final two weeks.

It hasn't been easy. I'm still facing a lot of the same challenges I was before I applied for the new jobs, and just knowing that the new job is on the horizon almost seems to make it that much harder. I've been very emotional lately and very sensitive. In some instances, I blow things out of proportion in my own mind when they should just be left alone. I just need to take a big breath and push through.

I hate to be negative about my job, because there have been so, so many wonderful things about it. I have worked for an amazing principal, made some great teacher friends, and navigated the waters of having a job in a professional environment. I have gotten to know so many kids and truly love them all. It will be so strange to no longer be a part of their lives. I know I will miss them.

However, thinking about what my new job entails, what the benefits of it will be, and how much I think it will genuinely improve my life and my stress level, I can't help but be anything but excited.

Trollin'

I've spent WAY too much time on the computer today. I pretended I was watching a basketball game (and I did, mostly the second half), but let's be real, I was looking at swatches of Butter London nail polish in preparation for Ulta's 21 Days of Beauty. Come March 15th, I'll be scootin' to the nearest Ulta oasis and getting my allotted two bottles at near half-price.

But which ones? That was the real question to be answered. At the moment (God-willin' and the creek don't rise), I think I'll go with the lovely Black Knight and Disco Biscuit, found below:

Images from thepolishaholic.com

I realize that I sound like a total southerner in this post, but some days, it's just gotta be that way, gosh darn. When you're talking to children all day and especially trying to teach them the intricacies of the English language, time and again you'll realize how terrible your accent really is. Sometimes, I even surprise myself. "Ya'll" will pop out of my mouth from time to time, and I think to myself, "Where did THAT come from?" I'm about as far from a Londoner as they come, but a girl can dream, right?

Anyway, back to the computer stuff. Most of the time, not a whole lot of good comes from the vast amount of time I spend on the internet. But tonight, I found a rare gem of a quote:

"If you aren't willing to make tough choices, you won't go anywhere."

Ain't that the damn truth?

Making choices is right near the peak of the list of things that I hate in life, along with going to the dentist, stepping in dog poop and tracking it across the house, and getting up any time before 10 a.m. It sucks. But then you realize that you just have to do what you have to do, and you deal with it. You make the tough choices, and days, weeks, months or years down the road, you'll feel good about yourself. You made the tough choice, you dealt with the repercussions, and you kicked a whole lot of ass, hopefully while staying true to yourself and challenging yourself at the same time. What more could you ask for?

New Girl

If I could see myself in any television or movie character that's out there these days, I've got to say that it'd be Jess from New Girl. Now, I know I'm nowhere near as funny as she is, but whatev. I see a lot of my optimism in her. And she and I share some pretty awesome(ly bad) dance moves. And I'll break out into random song or make up ridiculous lyrics to my own songs more often than I should admit.

Image from thefastertimes.com

Mainly, I just love her outlook on life. A lot of not-so-great stuff happens to her, but she deals with it and tries to find the good in life. And she put a good chunk of my life philosophy into this fabulous quote:

"Ok, hey, I got something to say to you, man. I brake for birds. I rock a lot of polka dots. I have touched glitter in the last 24 hours. I spend my entire day talking to children, and I find it fundamentally strange that you're not a dessert person. That's just weird and it freaks me out, and I'm sorry I don't talk like Murphy Brown, and I hate your pant suit. I wish it had ribbons on it or something to make it just slightly cuter, and that doesn't mean that I'm not smart and tough and strong."

Preach it, girl!

In other news, I'm mainly just coming up with myriad excuses for not writing a book. Some go like this: I don't have time, I don't have enough life experiences, I don't know what to write about.

In reality, I think I'm just too lazy at the moment. I watched a 22-minute video interview with J.K. Rowling and the actresses in the Harry Potter movies about the women of Harry Potter. It's insane how well thought-out all her characters were, and how detailed she was in the creation and development of each character. Then, I read an article today about a woman from Mid-Mo who is getting her novel published, and it's due out next year. Granted, she's 38, and if I'm doing the math correctly, she has 15 years on me, but still. I just need to buck up already. My first one will probably suck, anyway, so the sooner I get it out of the way, the better.

It's amazing to me, though, the detail that Laura put into the creation of her book, as well. Notecards depicting each scene, its outcome and emotional impact or something like that. That's A LOT of work. I guess I always just expected writing to be a freewheeling experience but you'd think after I did all that work to receive my journalism degree, I'd realize that it's anything but. Hours upon hours spent on one silly little article. Looks like I've got my work cut out for me.

Anyway, I know you're wondering what my fun for the day was...

Just got Cover Girl's Outlast Stay Brilliant nail polish in Forever Frosted. Shit, if I can't afford Jennifer Lawrence's Dior Haute Couture gown, I can at least afford her manicure, right?

Image from imabeautygeek.com

And I got my checkbook balanced. One more payment, and my credit card is paid off. BOOYAH!

Sometimes, You Just Gotta CRANK IT

I was in the car driving home yesterday and found myself startled by the sheer volume of commercials coming from my radio. How did it happen? It's that sneaky habit I have that when a certain song comes on that I love, I reach for the dial, turn it a little, reach again, turn a little more...loud enough? Nope. Reach again, turn a little more. All the way up? Good.

There are only a few certain songs that will somehow magically nearly cause me hearing loss without even realizing it. I just instantaneously reach for that volume knob and BAM! We're rockin.

(Note: If you watch only one of these videos, it HAS to be Tesla's "Love Song.")

"Here I Go Again" - Whitesnake

When I was really, really little, my dad used to play in a band (lead guitar!). I'm not sure if his band played this song, or if it's just tied to my memories from that time, but I remember hearing it a lot when I was between 4 and 6 or somewhere thereabouts. Main point being, IT ROCKS. If you don't turn this shit up when you hear it, I'm not sure we can be friends.

"Don't Look Back" - Boston

My mom always tells me about how much she loved Boston growing up. I can't pinpoint the exact moment I first heard Boston or decided I loved them, but it's been awhile. Because I still have a tape deck and no CD player in my car, this song ended up on a mixtape I made for myself, and I would rewind it basically every morning just so I could crank this song as I was on the last bend before driving to high school junior and senior year. If this song doesn't set the tone for a damn good day, I don't know what does.

"Love Song" - Tesla

This song came to me freshman year of high school, and after first hearing it, my thoughts went something like, "Where have you BEEN all my life?" It has literally EVERYTHING I could ever want in a song - mellow guitar intro, outrageously good lyrics, awesome electric guitar solos, and everything good about the 80s. Bonus(!!!): Big hair and the skin tight pants in the video.

"On the Dark Side" - John Cafferty & the Beaver Brown Band

This another song that came circa the time when my dad was playing in a band. I don't think they played this song, but I remember hearing it all the time. It wasn't until ages later when I was driving around one night and listening to Jack FM that this song came on. I almost had to pull the car over. I was just floored by the memories it brought back, how strange it was that I had lost this song for so long, and how much I still love it.

"Bad Company" - Bad Company

When I want to feel like a badass (which is most of the time), this song goes on and the volume dial goes up. Way, way up.

"Mr. Jones" - Counting Crows

In first and second grade, I listened to this shit NONSTOP when it was on the radio. It was probably an unhealthy amount. My dad gave me August and Everything After one Christmas, and it took me awhile to finally really listen to it, but I did, and the rest is history. When the whole burning CDs craze was happening, this song was burned into one of my most listened-to CDs, followed by "Save Tonight" by Eagle Eye Cherry. Literally every single time after I hear Mr. Jones, I expect "Save Tonight" to come on next. Kinda weird, actually.

"Alive" - Pearl Jam

Unfortunately with this song, and with Mr. Jones, they're some of the only songs they play by Counting Crows and Pearl Jam on the radio anymore. So, I try and count my blessings and TURN THIS SHIT UP.

A Long...February?

There's some sort of discontent and restlessness in the air.

For me, I can feel it. A whole lot of it. It's hard to unwind from the day, it's hard to sleep at night, and it's even harder to go back to sleep after the numerous times I wake up mid-slumber.

"A Long December" is far and away one of the most important songs that has played throughout my life, and this December, I thought, "A Long December." This January, I thought, "A Long January." This February, I'm thinking, "A Long February."

It's becoming increasingly difficult to deal with people. I've pulled patience out of my darkest depths where I didn't know I had an ounce of patience residing. But I can't seem to find anymore. On more than one occasion, I've very nearly lost it. And it sure wouldn't be pretty.

I'll blame it on the weather, I'll blame it on my lack of sleep. Whatever it is, it's still happening.

I'm upset by people who can't see more than one side to the story, who purposely say absolutely heinous and ridiculous things...for what? Some sick joy they get out of saying stupid things? Regardless of your viewpoints, if you consider yourself an educated and mature adult, there are no reasons to say some of the things you say.

I work with some of the most beautiful, inspiring, difficult, wonderful kids day in and day out, and they make me want to be a better person. They shower me with love when I probably don't deserve it, they test my patience, they struggle, they grow. And when people want to insult the families of some of the children I work with, that gets to me.

But tomorrow, when I  go to work, I'll get to see those smiling and rambunctious faces again, and we'll work harder on learning more and more.

That, I think, is a gift in itself.

The New, the Bad, and the Polished

The New

This week, I tried a tamale for the very first time and, naturally, made a big fool of myself doing it. I had no prior knowledge of the makeup of this exotic food, and I tried to eat the corn husk wrapper. I found out quickly that front teeth just aren't going to cut it (quite literally). So I asked my co-worker who had given it to me if you eat it like a burrito. She said, "You have to take the wrapper off," and I proceeded to tell her how I was "confunding" because I just couldn't figure out why I couldn't bite into it. We both got a good laugh at my expense.

(Image courtesy Life123.com. Disclaimer: I have no idea if it's a good recipe, this was just the picture that looked most like what I attempted to eat)

The Bad
Watching Missouri try and play basketball on the road is just painful. I'm not quite sure why I subject myself to it.

The Polished
There's a bit of a discrepancy between the hubs and I as to when my nail polish addiction started. I say it was sometime during senior year of college (maybe September 2011?), but he says it was much later. No matter the deets, it's full-blown now. I've scoured countless nail polish blogs, typed in all kinds of search terms on Google and Pinterest, figured out what the hell "lemming" means in the polish world, bought a "dupe" of a well-known lemming, and decided that I'm more of an Essie girl than O.P.I. (In case you're wondering, Essie is a lot easier to find in these parts, and I like the thinner brush. There are still O.P.I. polishes that I love, though.) It's been pretty time consuming, but it's not ALL that expensive, and it's fun to search out new colors that make me squeal a little on the inside when I finally get ahold of the bottle and get that shade on my nails. Here are a couple of my favorites at the moment:

Essie Mint Candy Apple (Credit: Haus of Polish)

CM Midnight Imposter (Credit: Goose's Glitter)

In Other News
I spent all day translating, and things went so much better this time around. Feel like I got to build some good relationships and learn a lot more about the children and parents that I'm helping. It made for an exhausting but really good day.

Also, using the Oxford comma still makes me happy every now and again (see post title).

If it's me reading the signs...

You like that reference to Silver Linings?

Well, if it's me reading the signs, someone is trying to tell me something, and it's not looking pretty.

I almost got myself in a really bad wreck (thanks to icy roads) while driving to work Wednesday morning, I fell in the shower tonight and hurt myself pretty badly, and I'm losing a toenail.

So it looks like I'm an 80 year old in a 23-year-old's body. Seriously. It's not good.

Oh, and I can't sleep, either. Ever.

I'm just going to blame it on it being January. February is tomorrow, and that's even closer to summer, warm weather, and me getting my frail bones off the couch and exercising because it won't be -3 degrees outside.

On a completely different note, "Lullaby" by Shawn Mullins is such a good song - "She's seen her share of devils in this angel town." I think I would love it for that line alone. I'm also starting South of Broad by Pat Conroy but should probably hold off until the sun is shining or something. It's pretty dense and emotionally heavy for long winter nights.

I was pleasantly surprised by The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time, though. It's brilliant. When I saw it being compared to The Catcher in the Rye and The Perks of Being a Wallflower, I was hesitant to read it. Both those books are so well-written, but they're depressing as hell. Thankfully, Curious Incident ended on a much better note and easily became one of my all-time favorites. It also got me out of my reading-sad-books rut. I wasn't doing it on purpose, but I'm glad that broke it up a little.

I also just bought "I Cry" by Flo Rida last weekend. What can I say? I'm an 80-year-old gangsta.

Movie Time!

The SAGs just ended, and if I compare my music award nominee picks against my movie award nominee picks, it seems I'd be much better off as a movie critic. I never pick the winners of the Grammys, American Music Awards or anything else, but I've done pretty darn well over the Golden Globes and the SAGs this year, I'd have to say.

Sean and I have 6 of 9 completed on our Oscar nominee list for this year, and we've also seen all 5 of the SAG's nominees for best cast.

Jennifer Lawrence was so incredibly real and showed so much range in Silver Linings Playbook. She was my pick, and so far she's 2 for 2 in Best Actress categories (or Best Female Actor, depending on how P.C. you wanna be, I guess). Not only is she an incredible actress, but she seems like such a cool, down-to-earth person. I'm genuinely glad to see her have so much success and hopefully a lot more in the future.

Daniel Day-Lewis blew my mind in Lincoln. If I ever imagined how Lincoln carried himself, Day-Lewis portrayed it damn near perfectly. And he won the Best Actor SAG and Golden Globe for it.

Finally, we saw two movies this weekend: Argo and Life of Pi.

Argo simply amazed me. I know I had low expectations going in because I saw one preview a while back, and it really just looked awful to me. It was probably one of the movies I was least excited about seeing, and on the walk out of the theater, it became my top pick (almost too close to call with Silver Linings and Les Mis, though).

It was such a perfect combination of history, suspense and dark humor, and it was so, so unique. Hours after seeing it, I was still gushing at how astonishingly good it was.

So, if you haven't seen it, it's definitely recommended!

Stars

I've been searching so long for a song I can feel.

When I was in the process of growing my music collection (thanks to a lot of help from my friends), it was almost a daily occurrence. And those songs still mean so much to me, but just as with any collection, it's an indescribable feeling to find something new to add to the things you already love.

For me, this new piece of my collection is "Stars" by Grace Potter & The Nocturnals.

I first heard it on the most recent season of The Voice when Amanda Brown ripped it apart. She was incredible, and I was singing the song for days. I was attached to her version, so when I originally listened to Grace Potter's version, I wasn't thrilled with it, and it slipped off my radar. Then, tonight, as I was sitting through the torture that is the audition rounds of American Idol, it popped up as a background song, and there I was belting out the chorus about 23 times in a row.

So, I gave Grace another chance, thank goodness. I wasn't disappointed.

It's a song that instantly finds a way to attach itself to your life and the ones that you've loved. It's such a beautiful expression of her loss, a piece of art for her departed that we're able to experience.

Here's the video, but I'd recommend just listening to the song first.

Who knew something so great would pop up on episodes of reality singing competitions?


Bonus: I'm also obsessed with "Little Talks" by Of Monsters and Men. Give it a listen.

Goodbye, Christmas

So, I'm a little slow on moving Christmas back to the basement. There's just something about the soft glow of Christmas tree lights in the evenings that I find so comforting. I absolutely hate voluntarily taking it away. But seeing as it is January 23, I figured it was about time. We'd get pretty weird looks if we have visitors over any time soon.

I heard "A Long December" this morning and thought about the different incarnations it has taken throughout my life. It has morphed to the moment on more occasions than I can count, but it is still and has always been a beautiful piece of art.

Recently, I've just been bogged down by the winter. I'm groggy, cranky, lazy, tired, unmotivated and just generally not the self I like to be. In fact, I almost considered moving to Arizona (and if you know anything about me, that's damn near the last place I'd want to move, given any amount of choices). I miss sunshine, shorts and swimming pools. But mostly, I just miss taking long walks in the warm weather with no destination in particular, spending time enjoying the beautiful city in which I live.

When it gets dark outside at 5:30, I feel like I need to be in bed at 6. And that's just no fun.

Anyway, Sean and I are planning on crossing off two more from our Oscar nominee list this weekend - Argo and Life of Pi. And I'm going out with friends after work on Friday for tapas. Definitely a few things to look forward to!

Being Human

‎"Being human always points, and is directed, to something or someone, other than oneself -- be it a meaning to fulfill or another human being to encounter. The more one forgets himself -- by giving himself to a cause to serve or another person to love -- the more human he is." -Viktor Frankl

I was reading this article and just found that quote so poetic and beautiful.

At the moment, I'd say I'm pretty happy. The happiest I've ever been for any extended period of time. But then I realize, when I wasn't happy, I was searching for meaning. I'm still searching for meaning, and that's the one piece that has still been causing me a bit of discontent.

The happiness and meaning in my life are melding into one, I think. In a selfish way, I've been able to get many of the things I need and want, and in an unselfish way, a large chunk of my life is spent serving - tying tennis shoe laces, helping to spell words, teaching reading and new vocabulary words, helping to make sense of math problems. All that takes you outside of yourself.

It's incredibly rewarding and incredibly difficult.

And I have to admit, I feel frustrated when people ask me if I want to pursue a teaching degree and I bumble through some ridiculous but truthful answer, always ending at the same point: I don't know.

Money is certainly an issue. The permanence of a teaching degree is scary. I love what I do, but I just don't know if I want to lock myself into it for the rest of my life.

Mainly, I think I'm spastic in my interests. They're wide and varied, and the thought of being stuck in one certain career or one certain place for the rest of my life makes me more than a little anxious. I know that there are many things I like to do and many places I'd like to go, and I don't want to voluntarily lock myself into something when there's always the possibility for something more...some new experience or challenge.

I don't want to stagnate.

So, in that thought process, that's basically where I am now. I still have so much more thinking to do.

On the lighter side, we've done an awesome job of catching some Oscar-nominated movies lately - 4 of 9 of the Best Picture category - Lincoln, Les Misérables, Zero Dark Thirty, and Silver Linings Playbook.

My take on them?

I'm always in the minority when I say that I really wasn't that crazy about Lincoln. Not that it wasn't a good movie because it was. But when I saw and heard the title Lincoln, I was expecting a movie that encompassed more of his life, not just his work on the 13th Amendment. So, I was a bit disappointed when that was the center of the whole movie.

On the other hand, I was pleasantly surprised with Les Misérables. I had only seen the live musical once, and I couldn't follow it AT ALL. I was ready to leave at intermission. But I figured that if it was in movie form (and with such great actors!), there was a chance I'd be able to follow it better. I'll be honest. I was skeptical, still, and wasn't sure what I was in for. If it had been poorly done, there would be no way on earth I could sit through 2+ hours of everything being sung. But I found it fascinating, and I really was on the edge of my seat through most of it. Anne Hathaway? Incredible. Hugh Jackman? Mind blowing. The whole cast was just phenomenal, and I left feeling like I had definitely gotten my 7 bucks worth.

We saw two movies last Saturday, and luckily we watched Zero Dark Thirty at 11 a.m. I don't think I would want to end my day with that film being the last thing in my head. Overall, I'd say it was definitely a good film. The acting was great, and it was suspenseful mostly throughout, but I did find myself wondering (more than a couple times) when the end would come. During one of the torture scenes, I was less than a minute away from having to get up and leave. It made me feel physically ill. However, I think it was important that they included those scenes to be truthful to the story. It was just a little much for me. And I was disappointed with the ending (the following few sentences contain a spoiler alert!!). When we left the theater, I just found myself angry with the ending - the lead female actress crying. How stereotypical, that a female would cry at the end. I kept asking Sean, "Why couldn't she fist bump and crack open a beer with the guys? Why couldn't she be a hardass like the dudes?" And I understand why they had her cry, because the mission she spent 12+ years on was over. I get it. But if it were a lead male character, do you think they'd end the movie with him crying?

Lastly, and probably my overall favorite, Silver Linings Playbook. I have a MAJOR girl crush on Jennifer Lawrence, so I was already partial to it before even seeing it, but I was not disappointed. It just had a grittiness and truth about it that I loved. And even though I had a good idea of how it might end, it still kept me guessing until the ending finally came. It was such a funny, sweet, and at the same time somewhat dark movie, and that's my thing. So BAM! Silver Linings Playbook gets my vote, for what it's worth.

In other news, I've been reading like a fiend lately, but I haven't read anything that's become a new favorite. I've been through Gone with the Wind, Slaughterhouse Five, Henderson the Rain King, The Perks of Being a Wallflower and a re-read of The Great Gatsby. They're all sad. I need something that's going to make me feel a little bit better about life. I'm currently reading The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time (which I've been wanting to read for years), and I love it so far, so we'll see how it turns out...

It's time for me to get back to writing. Just like certain things I love in my life, my writing has taken a backseat when things get crazy. Hopefully, I can change that.

For tonight, just a quick thought:

I'm so thankful for the people that have come into my life just when I needed them. I've gotta give thanks to the Big Man Upstairs because I know it's more than just happy chance or coincidence. Some of the most important people in my life showed up just when I needed them or re-entered my life at the perfect moment.

Pretty cool, if you ask me.