I'm starting to think of time in units of time since I've graduated college, and it's scaring me. Going on two years now, and time only seems to be going faster.
Almost a month into my new job, and I'm finally starting to settle in. Of course, as soon as you start feeling comfortable, that's when things change, right? Trying to learn the ropes of the first stages of the processes we do, I asked so many questions that I honestly got sick of hearing my own voice. But since I've learned the basics, I'm hoping that the next processes will build on that and won't leave me feeling quite as confused.
My mom called me earlier in the week letting me know that my dog that I've had since middle school was not doing well. It looked bad and might be the end. Then, we were given some hope that the vets could treat Molly with steroids to help with her dangerously low red blood cell count. It killed me to think that I wouldn't get to say goodbye to her, but then she started doing better. I thought at least I might be able to see her one last time over Christmas. But I got a call from Mom on Saturday, and they had to put Molly down. For me, since I haven't seen her since Thanksgiving, it doesn't really seem real to me. I still expect her fluffy, white self to be clicking her toenails around on the kitchen floor. Growing up, all I wanted was a dog. I had several stuffed animal dogs, named them, and played with them all the time. Then a couple weeks before Christmas when I was in middle school (7th or 8th grade, can't remember which), Mom and Wendy showed up at Grandma's house when I was making salt-dough ornaments. They brought a fluffy ball of fur with them.
If I'm being honest, Molly was a pain in the ass as a puppy. She barked a lot, chewed on everything, jumped and scratched me with her nails and just generally interrupted any time I spent on the computer. But she was so cute that you just couldn't stay mad at her for long. I tried and continually failed to teach her how to walk on a leash. She was always pulling ahead and choking herself, but eventually she would calm down. She made me feel safe when I stayed home alone, and she was always there to accompany me on a walk.
I know it just won't feel right when I go home for the holidays and she's not there. I sure will miss her.
