God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented
cages. -Jacques Deval, writer and director (1895-1972)
Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life:
the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the
suffering of mankind. -Bertrand Russell, philosopher, mathematician, and
author (1872-1970)
As long as a man stands in his own way, everything seems to be in his way.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson, American writer and philosopher (1803-1882)
Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't
want, to impress people they don't like. -Will Rogers, humorist (1879-1935)
We are never more discontented with others than when we are discontented
with ourselves. -Henri Frederic Amiel, philosopher and writer (1821-1881)
I have made a ceaseless effort not to ridicule, not to bewail, not to scorn
human actions, but to understand. -Baruch Spinoza, philosopher (1632-1677)
The butterfly counts not years but moments and has time enough.
-Rabindranath Tagore, poet, philosopher, author, songwriter, painter,
educator, composer, Nobel laureate (1861-1941)
We are healed of a suffering only by expressing it to the full. -Marcel
Proust, novelist (1871-1922)
There is wisdom in turning as often as possible from the familiar to the
unfamiliar: it keeps the mind nimble, it kills prejudice, and it fosters
humor. -George Santayana, philosopher (1863-1952)
If the stars should appear one night in a thousand years, how would men
believe and adore. -Ralph Waldo Emerson, writer and philosopher (1803-1882)
For what are stars but asterisks. To point a human life? -Emily Dickinson,
poet (1830-1886)
Too often I would hear men boast of the miles covered that day, rarely of
what they had seen. -Louis L'Amour, novelist (1908-1988)
There is nothing quite like this, of that I am assured. With every passing day, I assume that things will return to normal, but that is not the case. And if they ever do somehow align themselves as they used to, I know that there will be a crack, a break where something belongs. And that something will never fill it again. It makes little sense when all reason is laid out before the situation, but somehow, it is still tearing me apart. Is it me? And I just don't know how it couldn't have been enough. I can't look forward, I can't look backward. I can only see now and realize just how much it hurts me. And it seems a physical pain would almost be easier. I can't train my mind to race in different directions when the path is well-worn. I can't stop running when the race isn't finished. It's not supposed to be over yet. It's not supposed to stop mid-way. And although I am a master at "What if?" this is a "what if?" that I will never be able to put to rest, never be able to come to peace with because a huge part of me is gone. I want to be whole again. And I don't know if I regret anything, I haven't gotten far enough away to look back and be thankful for it, and I don't know if I ever could knowing that there may have been more to the story. I feel things so deeply, so passionately, and so truly that it is all I know. I can't imagine not being able to feel, but I can't live with this forever. With anything. There is something deep within me that grasps for a place to belong, and a place where I can truly be happy. I look for it in others and find a glimpse, only to be holding on to nothing more than a memory. I can only truly be happy in the presence of someone else, and in this, am I losing myself? Have I lost myself? I can only be who I really am around and in the company of others, and it all seems a little more than I can handle. I want to give in, I want to stay strong. I want to be happy, I want experience pain to the fullest and can only do this by letting it consume me. Not a physical pain, but a much more felt pain, and one that at this point I can only give into. I can't imagine not feeling emotion, not feeling anything. And while it may seem that those who can't feel have it better off, is life really lived? Tears are what makes me all the more human, and while I can't see a light in the future, I am human and I am human to the fullest extent possible. To feel, for me, is the only way, and for those who don't feel, I don't see how they can live. It must be a mundane existence, though not littered with pain, so in the end, somewhat easier. But is that life? And no matter how many thoughts encapsulate themselves in my brain, there are just those things that will never leave, in my heart and in my head. There are so many things that I don't understand and want to. I want to understand to ease the pain. All along, I believed, only to be mislead, and in the end, it is my punishment for believing. Should I never believe again? I want to, but I just don't know if I can. And I know that things will always remain with me, while they hurt now, it is only my hope that I will be able to treasure them for what they were - perfect moments in time, moments that I loved and moments that my life was made up of. Moments that I wish I could hold onto forever...moments that were beautiful and moments I believed in. Moments that were perfect in every single way and will forever remain that way.
let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels
our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain
let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don't mind
if it's me you need to turn to
we?ll get by,
it's the heart that really matters in the end
our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain
all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now
in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away but these small hours
these small hours, still remain,
still remain
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain
